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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27320332">5 times Penny is confused +1 time she's sure</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeRandomOakTree/pseuds/SomeRandomOakTree'>SomeRandomOakTree</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>:), Ace awareness week, Asexuality Spectrum, Gen, Gray-Asexuality, Grey-ace Penny, I just felt like I needed to write something, Not Beta Read, POV Penelope Bunce, because I didn't see anyone in this fandom celebrating ace awareness week, emjoy, not even proof read, since im in the ace spectrum I just decided to gift the microlabel I identify as to penny, this might be shit but whatever</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:43:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,798</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27320332</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeRandomOakTree/pseuds/SomeRandomOakTree</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Penny's journey with sexuality throughout her life.</p><p>Written for ace awareness week!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Penelope Bunce &amp; Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce/Micah Cordero, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>5 times Penny is confused +1 time she's sure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is kinda based on my experience with sexuality. The major difference is that Penny is hetero oriented (in this fic at least) and I'm biromantic, so... Yeah </p><p>I had an epiphany and literally jumped out of bed to write this fic, and this is the result</p><p>Bone apple tea I guess</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>1- Stop thinking about relationships and just read a book or something</b>
</p><p>We're in the middle of our third year at Watford, and everyone's starting to get "crushes". But we're all just kids. Isn't it a bit too early to start thinking about relationships?</p><p>Simon and I are sitting under a tree in the courtyard. Our flow of conversation is familiar, comforting. </p><p>"Professor Possibelf made me clean the ashes, but I swear I didn't start the fire!" Simon says.</p><p>"Then <em> how </em>did the fire start?" I laugh.</p><p>"I have no idea! I…" he trails off, looking to the side.</p><p>Agatha Wellbelove is passing by. Of course. Her blond hair flows with the wind, looking golden in the late afternoon sun. It's a pretty view, pleasant in the way a landscape photo is. </p><p>Simon's mouth is slightly open as he stares at her. She waves at him with a shy smile, and he all but turns into a tomato.</p><p>"Agatha! Hi! It's, uh, <em> good </em> to see you!" </p><p>Agatha simply laughs at him and resumes walking.</p><p>"Merlin and Morgana, Simon. Do you like her that much?"</p><p><em> "Shut up." </em>He puts his face in his hands. Even his ears are bright red now.</p><p>I don't understand how a girl can affect him so much. Granted, I'm not a boy. But no boys have had this effect on me yet.</p><p>I look at my purple ring and sigh. I'll understand it when I'm older. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>2- Mother-daughter talk has never been this uncomfortable</b>
</p><p>My third year at Watford has just ended, and I've been home for two days. My mum and I are watching telly by ourselves, a rare occurrence in this crowded house.</p><p>We're watching a romantic movie, and the main couple is kissing. It's sweet, seeing them be together after everything they went through.</p><p>"So, Penelope. Is there anyone you fancy? Any cute boys at Watford?" my mum asks.</p><p>"No one, mum. I'm too busy to worry about boys." It's true. Between school and helping Simon with his chosen one duties, I haven't had the time for much.</p><p>"Come on. When I was your age I was buried in homework, but I still found the time to look at cute boys."</p><p>"There just aren't that many cute boys in my year, mum." It's not entirely true, but it isn't a lie either. "None of them have caught my attention yet."</p><p>My mum looks at me with a weird look in her eyes. She puts a hand on my shoulder.</p><p>"Penelope, it's okay if you like anyone. You can tell me." She smiles kindly. "Even if you like a girl. I promise I won't be mad."</p><p>"No, mum! I like boys. I just don't have a crush on any of them yet. I'm too young for that."</p><p>"Ah, a late bloomer. It's okay, Penelope. One day you'll meet a boy good enough."</p><p>I can't really see it, somehow. But I want this conversation to be over, so I just nod.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>3- The art of acquiring a boyfriend</b>
</p><p>It's the fourth year, and Watford has started a foreign student exchange program.</p><p>It's been very interesting, seeing new mages and learning about different magickal cultures. So far, we've roughly had an exchange student from each continent. There's a girl from Brazil who is way too enthusiastic at casting spells, a boy from China that <em> loves </em> scones (Simon immediately took a liking to him) and Australian girl that smiles like she's in pain.</p><p>And then, there's Micah. The American.</p><p>He's been sitting with us during meals, and he always comes to me when he has a question. Simon is still a bit wary of Micah, but I've come to like him, surprisingly enough.</p><p>I'm alone at the library studying elocution when he enters. </p><p>"Penny!" He smiles. "I finally found you!" He's panting, and I'm not sure if he ran around the school for a long time or no time at all. He's not incredibly athletic.</p><p>"The library wasn't the first place you thought of? It's like you don't even know me," I joke.</p><p>"My bad."  He laughs, even though the joke wasn't that funny. His nose scrunches up and his dark hair falls in his eyes. He looks at me when he's done laughing, and his eyes shine like stars in a night sky.</p><p>My breath catches in my throat.</p><p>"Can you help me with something?" Micah asks.</p><p>"Sure."</p><hr/><p>At night, only a few hours after my encounter with Micah at the library, I go to bed. </p><p>I toss and turn, but my brain refuses to turn off. I can't stop thinking about Micah and his stupid smile, about how he touched my hand as he showed me his favourite passage in a book, about how I feel like I'm falling into an abyss when I look into his dark, almost black, eyes. </p><p>Is this what it feels like to fancy someone? Do I like him? Or do I subconsciously feel lonely and in desperate need of more friends? I almost laugh at my own thought. As if. I already have too many friends, and I doubt that my subconscious thinks differently.</p><p>I turn to my other side, facing the wall, and try not to sleep. But my traitorous brain keeps coming back to Micah. To his eyes, his fluffy hair that looks like it would be incredibly soft to touch, about his lips, and how much I want to kiss him.</p><p><em> Oh. </em> Perhaps I do fancy him.</p><hr/><p>On the last week of the exchange program, I kiss Micah. Both of our lips are chapped, but the kiss feels incredibly soft. He smells like his magic—cinnamon and baked apples.</p><p>I slip my tongue into his mouth to deepen the kiss. He sighs, and I melt inside. He tastes like coffee. <em> Alastair Crowley, </em> why didn't I do this sooner? </p><p>On his last day at Watford, he asks me to be his girlfriend. I say I'm not anyone's property, much less his, but I accept.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>4- Well, this is new</b>
</p><p>It's the fifth year and I'm on Christmas break. Micah came to visit me, but he left a few hours ago. I go to bed and pull up the covers, our time together replaying in my head.</p><p>After so long away from Micah in person, it was a shock to see him in person. He's grown since the last time we met, and now he has roughly a head and a half of height over me. When he hugged me, it felt like being enveloped in the warmest, most comfortable armour to ever exist. I also couldn't help but notice how his shoulders have grown larger, and his hands are rougher from helping his grandfather with woodworking.</p><p>I imagine being on top of him, pressing down on his chest. I imagine our legs tangled together, his hands touching every part of my body. He looks stronger now, like I could crush him into the bed and he wouldn't even budge. </p><p>I flush. It's not like I've never felt like this before, but it's the first time I've truly wanted to act on it. I've seen two or three hot men in films, but they didn't have as strong of an effect on me, and I've never wanted to <em> do </em>anything with them. But Micah is different. I want him right here, with me. I want to hear his breaths come faster, to feel his heart accelerate against my chest. I want to lose myself on him, to kiss every inch of his skin. I want to touch him, and I want him to touch me. </p><p>It takes a long time for me to finally fall asleep.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>5- Wait, is that an actual thing?</b>
</p><p>It's the last month of my sixth year at Watford, and I'm sitting in my bed, trying to ignore Trixie while reading a book.</p><p>The main character has just arrived at a bar, and in the span of two hours she's already seen three guys she would like to sleep with.</p><p>I laugh to myself. "What the fuck." There's no way this isn't an extreme exaggeration just for drama.</p><p>"What?" Trixie asks. She must have heard me.</p><p>"Nothing, just a book. The main character has been in this place for a couple of hours and she's already found three guys she thinks are hot."</p><p>"…and?" She seems genuinely confused.</p><p>"Isn't this number a bit absurd? This book really goes overboard sometimes."</p><p>"I don't think it's that absurd. Especially if it's a place full of hot people. Just last month I went to a party with my family and my brother was drooling over five people at the same time." She runs a hand through her hair, sending glitter everywhere. "I probably would be too if I didn't have eyes only for Keris."</p><p>She keeps talking, but I don't pay attention to her, my mind stuck on what she said. Five people? In the same place? And Trixie didn't find it unusual?</p><p>
  <em> What the fuck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>+1</b>
</p><p>It's been two years since my last day at Watford, and I'm sitting on the couch of the flat I share with Simon, scrolling through my phone.</p><p>I've recently downloaded Instagram, and I've just found an interesting profile… </p><p>"Simon, look at this!" </p><p>He looks over my shoulder, one of his wings deciding to rest on my head.</p><p>"Is this Agatha?" He asks.</p><p>I nod.</p><p>"Wow."</p><p>Her account is full of pictures of her with friends, her with her dog and sunny beaches. In her bio, she's written some things about herself.</p><p>
  <b> <em>Agatha Wellbelove</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <em> - Enjoying life in Cali </em>
</p><p>
  <em> - Dog person </em>
</p><p>
  <em> - Attending vet school </em>
</p><p>
  <em> - Asexual/aromantic </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Asexual? I don't think I've ever heard this word before, but it sticks in my head.</p><p>"Penny! Her god is so cute!" Simon gushes. "Could we visit Agatha someday?"</p><p>"Are you sure your <em> boyfriend </em> is going to be fine with you visiting your <em> ex </em>?" I keep staring at Agatha's bio. "Speaking of, don't you have a date?"</p><p>"<em> Shit </em>." Simon all but runs to his room, presumably to dress nice for his date with Baz. I laugh.</p><hr/><p>Later that day, I decide to google the word "asexual". It leads me to a page on the ace spectrum. One passage catches my attention.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Greysexual/grey ace:</em> </b>
</p><p><em> A person who rarely feels sexual attraction and/or doesn't feel it strongly. This label is not related to romantic attraction. See </em> <span class="u"> <em> aromantic spectrum </em> </span> <em> . </em></p><p> </p><p>That sounds like me… I never knew there was a word for what I felt.</p><p>Apparently, the ace spectrum is part of the LGBT+ community? Does that mean I'm no longer the token heterosexual?</p><p>I keep doing my research, and it seems like I've found a good label. One that fits like a glove.</p><p><em> Grey ace. </em> That's what I am.</p><p>Everything is starting to make sense.</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! This is a topic that I hold dear to my heart, so it makes me very happy that you took the time to read this fic.</p><p>(Also, can you tell that I inserted that part about the exchange students just to make a reference to my country, Brazil? Because I did.)</p><p>Another thing! If you've read the fall of Penelope Bunce and you're wondering where the hell I've been, I took a time of social media and writing to focus on school, then I entered a writing slump, and now I'm trying to keep writing and editing the story. If everything goes well it won't take long for next chapter to be up</p><p>Have an incredible day! Lots of love to you</p></blockquote></div></div>
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